United in boredom

Owing to a family wedding in Greece, I'm not working for eight days, and no Saturday tea-time game meant a rare day in front of the TV. The kids were out and the missus was trying on bridal gowns. It was me, the goldfish and Manchester United against Newcastle United.

I was looking forward to it. So much so that when the future Mrs M gave me a shopping list that included items that I couldn't pick up at the Tesco Express, I became a tad flustered.

I wanted to view the game. United have started like a grizzly bear waking from months of hibernation, slowly and not particularly attractive to watch. However, I thought after what I'd seen in midweek, signs of improvement were starting to emerge. Newcastle have been open. It was sure to be a thriller. It usually is.

So while I headed off to the main supermarket for elderflower, passion fruit and fresh lemon juice, BT Sport got paused. The phone went off. I was coming back to watch in delay.

Forty-five minutes later I was there. The table stacked with chili and lime chicken wings, a Coors Light and a huge dollop of anticipation.

Crikey, was I in for a shock. United are so slow, and Newcastle, as hard as they work, are devoid of any talent that can unlock a defence as sturdy as Louis van Gaal's.

Wayne Rooney looks unfit, and if Adnan Januzaj takes any more touches on the edge of the box he'll get sent to the headmaster's office for ball hogging.

The last 10 minutes was when the real action started. With United throwing caution to the wind they created a handful of chances that on any other day would have seen them win the game.

Tim Krul saved brilliantly from Javier Hernandez, Juan Mata should have hit the target with a volley after a build up more delicious than any of the ingredients I'd purchased.

Worryingly for Van Gaal, they almost lost it too. I jumped out of my seat as the ball sped just beyond the outstretched toes of Florian Thauvin as the Frenchman desperately lunged for cross after a rapid counter attack.

That was it, though. Ten minutes at the end. There was more passion in my fruit than on the Old Trafford pitch. I should have just used the fast forward button. It was thoroughly disappointing.

Let's hope the Mrs had better luck with the dresses!

Sako Stingers

Get out the way because the force is with him! Bakary Sako scored on his debut for Crystal Palace at the weekend but you weren't shocked. He'd served warning twice before beating Brad Guzan with a fierce effort.

Sako was excellent at Wolverhampton Wanderers and he was dynamite on Saturday on his first start for Palace. The power in his shots is immense and it's no wonder after a couple of blocked efforts everyone started getting out of the way!

Don Pedro

Quiet, unassuming, tireless and committed. Add that to talent and you can see Chelsea have signed a winner.

When you have captured as much as the 28 year old, who is a former World and European champion with club and country, you may lose a little hunger. Pedro has proved already he is a going to be a true 'special one'.