Seven years in the making, the "greatest show on Earth" (Jersey Shore aside) is about to get underway in London.
Even though the football is already in full swing, the Games begin proper tonight with the highly-anticipated Opening Ceremony at the Olympic Stadium in Stratford, East London.
The three-and-a-bit hour spectacle, dubbed the "Isles of Wonder", has been put together by Trainspotting director Danny Boyle and will be viewed by an estimated audience of 1 billion worldwide.
Join Sports Mole as we bring you complete coverage of the countdown and the big event itself throughout the evening!
12.49amThanks so much for joining me tonight! The Games have officially begun - and Sports Mole is here throughout! Our in-depth, live coverage of the Olympics begins in earnest tomorrow. Please do join us then!
12.46amAnd that brings the opening ceremony to a close, as the audience start to file out of the stadium while the cauldron burns brightly.
12.44amPaul is encouraging the male members of the audience to sing the words. A woman defies regulation - they have rights now, remember - and joins in.
12.39amSome weird audio that creates two Paul McCartnies as he starts to sing 'Hey Jude'.
12.38amHere's Paul McCartney now to close the ceremony. Hopefully this surprise rumour is true...
12.37amAn explosion of fireworks so huge that it's rattling the floor of my flat here in Waterloo.
12.36amThe flames all rise into the air and converge into one, brightly burning unit.
12.35amThe 204 copper petals, one per nation, are all burning brightly.
12.34amThe seven youngsters run towards the cauldron with their torches and set it alight. "This is what they meant by 'inspire a generation'," notes Huw.
12.33amThere are now seven torches, all lit. Torvill and Dean watch on.
12.29amSir Steve enters the stadium brandishing the flame proudly. He hands it to a group of young athletes, who run a lap of the stadium, passing it to each other as they go.
12.25amSir Steve runs down the dock and towards the stadium as the traditional oath for the athletes is read.
12.24amDavid Beckham arrives by boat and hands over the torch to.... Sir Steve Redgrave!
12.23amFlag erected, but it's a little flaccid.
12.22amEveryone stands for the Olympic anthem (no, not Muse).
12.21amMuhammad Ali emerges at the end of the flag and is given a huge, well deserved cheer from the crowd. He's sadly having to be held up.
12.20amOne of them is "United Nations Champion of the Earth". No idea what sort of a card game that is.
12.19amOut comes the Olympic flag, carried by several honourable people, including Stephen Lawrence's mother Doreen.
12.18am"I declare open the Games of London, celebrating the 30th Olympiad of the modern era," she says, prompting a ridiculous explosion of fireworks off the roof of the stadium.
12.17amQueenie's big moment.
12.12amCome on Jacques, it's past Tom Daley's bedtime!
12.11amI wonder if Jacques will just say what Seb did but in French.
12.08am"I have never been so proud to be British," says Seb, probably echoing the sentiment of many of us watching tonight.
12.07amSeb Coe and Jacques Rogge come out for the formal address.
12.05amA rogue swan is cycling in the air, ET style.
12.04amThe lights come down as a procession of swan-winged cyclists come out and circle the arena. Meanwhile, Alex Turner is pretending he's in the Live Lounge.
12.02amWhat can only be described as ejaculations of fireworks are shooting off the roof of the stadium.
12.00amThe Arctic Monkeys play their signature hit, 'I Bet You Look Good On The Dancefloor' as the stragglers make their way into the centre of the stadium.
11.56pmQueenie has dirt in her nails
11.55pmTeam GB! Chris Hoy holding his flag proudly as Bowie's 'Heroes' plays.
11.54pmZimbabwe, we know what's up next...
11.53pmAm I the only one who's been having a shot every time a flag has come out?
11.51pmInferior Lulu.
11.44pmTrinidad and Tobago have the right idea. Doubling up. Generous.
11.43pm20 flags to go!
11.33pmThese people don't have to go and get their flags back at the closing ceremony, do they?
11.28pmLooking ahead, 'W' and 'X' are the only letters not to have a country associated with them.
11.23pmAnother flag.
11.20pmThe New Zealand flagbearer has hypnotised himself with his own flag.
11.18pmI spy, with my little eye, something beginning with F.
11.13pmActually no, nothing is that tedious.
11.12pmAt this point I'd even welcome Fearne Cotton on screen to break up the tedium.
11.11pmHalfway through now, as Tom Daley "gets ready round the back".
11.09pmMore flags.
11.07pmI wonder how many calories these drumbeaters are burning.
11.05pmAs the Jamaicans come out I think not of Usain Bolt, but of John Candy.
11.02pmThere isn't really any possible way this could be sped up is there?
10.58pmPrince Charles and Camilla are pissing themselves as Guam come out.
10.54pmEurovision - The Director's Cut
10.53pm"Fiji's my favourite flag bearer," says Trev as a topless man struts out to the Bee Gees.
10.44pmWhat, they're letting volcanoes enter the Olympics now? Outrageous!
10.42pmThe Chinese team come out as 'West End Girls' plays
10.35pm"He is Lord of the Rings," says Irvine of the Bulgarian flagbearer. SLANDER.
10.34pmBotswanan flagbearer is chewing gum. Oi, manners love!
10.32pmI imagine that in the US they're having one long commercial break right now.
10.31pmThe Belgian flagbearer struggles to tame her flag.
10.30pmIs anyone else ignoring the flags and just eyeing up the drumbearers? Just me? Okay then.
10.29pmI feel bad for the Queen. She's already had to watch 1000 boats and now she has to watch 204 flags. At least she's sitting down this time.
10.26pm"Aruba". Isn't that what Vic Reeves used to shout on Shooting Stars?
10.22pmThere are 204 nations to march out with their flags. Now we know why this ceremony still has two hours to go.
10.20pmLargest cheer of the night - the athletes of the Games, led by - as standard - Greece.
10.16pmEmeli Sande sings Abide With Me as a bunch of shaolin monks prance aggressively.
10.15pmFor those of you using the moment's silence for a toilet break, please be respectful and aim for the bowl.
10.14pmI swear he just mouthed "shove this up your arse, Stuart Pearce".
10.13pmDavid Beckham is in a speedboat, shooting down the Thames with the Olympic torch.
10.06pmI'd much rather have had Huw Edwards commenting on this music section than Trevor Nelson.
10.04pmFamous West Ham and Michael Jackson anthem I'm Forever Blowing Bubbles. Will it be the last time we hear that in the stadium?
9.58pmOooh look, it's the Beatles again...
9.56pmFor those of you following this blog live, hit refresh on your page now and take a fresh look at the SM logo. That's where the flame is!
9.53pmThe original Sugababes are in attendance somewhere in the audience tonight, which is handy, because Push The Button is playing. Bet only Keisha was dancing for that one.
9.52pmMichael Fish is making a tit of himself.
9.48pmMr Bean nods off.
9.47pmMr. Bean is bored at playing the same note, so he plays with his iPhone.
9.46pmSir Simon Rattle conducts the London Symphony Orchestra in a rendition of Chariots of Fire. WITH MR BEAN ON KEYBOARD!
9.44pmAnd Mike Oldfield collapses, spent, content in the knowledge that he has ruined hundreds of young lives.
9.42pmScores of Mary Poppinses (yes, that's the correct plural of a Mary Poppins) descend from the sky.
9.40pmHaving been tortured by the sight of middle-aged nurses jiggling their droopy breasts in their faces, the youngsters are now being molested by the child catcher and Lord Voldemort.
9.39pmJK Rowling reads an excerpt from Peter Pan. The kids are never going to sleep now!
9.38pmThe pervy nurses have now put the kids to bed under blankets made of white light.
9.36pmOh wait, my poor eyesight. It was actually 'GOSH'. A bunch of dirty nurses are now dancing provocatively in front of their underage patients.
9.36pmThe beds rearrange themselves to form the letters 'MRSA'.
9.35pmHere's Mike Oldfield with his big jangly Tubular Bells, plus a load of people - including PATIENTS - from the NHS.
9.33pmCuteness alert. A choir of deaf children are singing God Save The Queen (not the Pistols' version)
9.32pmThey're only halfway up (they are neither up nor down)
9.31pmOut comes a Union Jack, carried by members of the Army, RAF and Navy. They're marching up the hill.
9.30pmAfter dusting herself off, Queenie joins the DofE and IOC president Jacques Rogge in the best seats in the house.
9.29pmThe Queen and Daniel Craig parachute out of the chopper.
9.28pmAnd here comes the chopper, right above the Stadium itself.
9.27pmThey board a chopper, leaving the dogs behind, and take a tour over London as people wave from iconic locations below. Including the statue of Winston Churchill (Ghostbusters 2, anyone?)
9.25pmIt's 8.30 and he's visiting The Queen. "Good evening, Mr Bond," she says. It's the actual Queen. Not that ropey old Queen impersonator who's been doing the rounds for years. Proper, stamp-face Queenie!
9.24pmTruly mind-blowing stuff. VT now from inside Buckingham Palace. Oooh, here's James Bond.
9.23pmThe five rings unite and a shower of flames and light erupt. (Isn't this what happened in Captain Planet?)
9.22pmFive giant smelted rings are coming together over the roof of the stadium.
9.21pmThis really is Britain's year, isn't it?
9.19pmYes! Smelting!
9.18pmHint of Beatles era Britain now. *COUGH* HINT
9.16pmA pause to remember lives lost in WWI and WWII.
9.15pmUpdate: Women have now been given their rights.
9.14pmPretty amazing. Giant turrets are rising from the ground. Smelt! Smelt! Smelt!
9.13pmIf we're doing Industrial Revolution, I hope there's a live recreation of coke smelting.
9.12pmThere are hundreds and hundreds of people marching through Danny Boyle's fields now. OI, GEROFF MY LAND!
9.09pmOoooh, it's the Industrial Revolution! Wendy Richard bangs on some drums for a bit.
9.08pm"Be not afeard," declares Isambard Brunel, reciting from The Tempest.
9.06pmThe singing children of Wales have been abandoned in an estuary.
9.05pmYoung boy in the crowd stands up and starts singing Land of Hope and Glory. A bunch of children stranded on a rock somewhere in Northern Island chime in with Danny Boy.
9.04pmOut comes Tour de France winner Bradley Wiggins to dong the big bell.
9.04pmThat's bound to be a question on a pub quiz somewhere.
9.03pmAnother down-from-ten countdown, this time with bursting balloons. Two of the sixes didn't burst.
9.02pmSnippet of God Save The Queen, the EE theme, London Calling, bit of Lily Allen.... then we're live in the stadium!
9.00pmThe Isles of Wonder show begins at the source of the River Thames, before the camera zooms at high speed down its length. Along the way we encounter trains, fields, cricketers, geese, Big Ben. The eye!
8.59pmHere we go. Showtime!
8.56pmThe Shipping Forecast plays into the Stadium as giant blue sheets descend over almost every spectator.
8.55pmCommentators on the Beeb's coverage tonight are Trevor Nelson, Hazel Irvine and Huw Edwards. Bit of classical music to get us going.
8.51pmMeanwhile, back in Stratford, the Queen is backstage, flexing her neck and doing her leg stretches.
8.50pmOver on ITV's parallel universe coverage, Sir Trevor McDonald is taking a rickshaw around Soho.
8.47pmHaving swooped down from his perch atop a church, Andrew Marr pops up to talk about the history of London. Well it was always going to be hard to follow Frank Turner, wasn't it?
8.45pmFrank Turner is performing on Glastonbury hill as peasants play football. Just 15 minutes to go now...
8.40pmDanny Boyle has just given a short speech to spectators in the stadium, saying he hopes it doesn't start raining again.
8.36pmThat stat was for anyone interested in what will happen to the cows and chickens after tonight's ceremony.
8.34pmDuring the Games, London will host the world's largest branch of McDonald's at 32,000 sq ft.
8.33pmInterview with Mark Cavendish, who could pick up GB's first gold medal at around 3pm tomorrow in the men's road race.
8.30pmIt's raining out in Stratford. Nice to see the Great British weather reverting to type.
8.25pmJake is now taking the mick out of Amir Khan's watch. Go on Jake, mock his ears next - see what happens.
8.20pmVT profiling GB's young boxing hopes at this year's Games. SM's live coverage of the boxing gets underway at 1pm tomorrow, by the way.
8.18pmLennox Lewis, who is auditioning for Avatar 2, pays tribute to Muhammad Ali.
8.17pmLennox Lewis and Amir Khan have joined Jake in the B-List studio. Jake immediately sets on Khan, berating him for letting Americans train in his gym.
8.12pmThe Red Arrows fly over the stadium, to much applause.
8.11pmA bright "countdown clock", which is actually just the 24-hour clock, is projected across large parts of the audience, who are presumably now blind.
8.07pmWeather conditions over in Stratford now are cloudy and cool, with a temperature of about 20 degrees come 9pm.
8.05pmThe first medals will be doled out tomorrow morning at around 11am, as the victor is crowned for the highly-competitive "women's air rifle" event.
8.02pm"Cows and goats - all sorts," he adds. My mind is buzzing.
8.01pm"It's hard to know what they're going to do with these animals," says Gary, "but we'll leave it to your imagination."
8.00pmOne hour to go. WOMP!
7.57pmIn a parallel universe, ITV has the broadcast rights to the Games and they're being presented by Adrian Chiles and Amanda Holden.
7.56pmFearne Cotton update: Fearne's last Twitter update was nine hours ago, and it read simply: "WOMP!"
7.52pmTonight's ceremony cost a reported �19 million. There was some criticism of this on Sky Sports News earlier, suggesting that the money should have been invested into grassroot sport instead. Wouldn't people have said this regardless of the amount spent though?
7.48pmJust heard an amazing rumour about the close of tonight's ceremony involving Paul McCartney. If true, it will be incredibly touching.
7.46pmIn a pre-recorded interview, Danny Boyle chats to Huw about the ceremony. "You focus on the best of us, [but] you have to be slightly critical as part of that process," he says. I wonder if that's what he was intending by including Sex Pistols' God Save The Queen in the setlist.
7.44pmHuw Edwards is caught having a sneaky fumble with Hazel Irvine just behind Gary 'n Sue's box.
7.42pmFootage of Sue Barker and her remarkably pert bouncing breasts as she carried the torch.
7.41pmI think after the Jubilee, the last thing any of us ever needs to see ever again is boats on the Thames.
7.36pmSharron Davies is looking rather stunning tonight. In a halfway house somewhere in Bletchley, Rick Adams is salivating.
7.35pmWhy couldn't the woman that Jeremy Hunt attacked with his bell end earlier have been Fearne Cotton?
7.33pmChris Hoy is talking about how proud he is to carry the GB flag but I'm distracted, if I'm honest. I'm starting to get a bad feeling. I think Fearne Cotton might be coming up soon.
7.31pmJake Humphreys - shouldn't you be in Hungary, mate? - and Mishal Husain are perched in a studio near the Stadium. The B-List.
7.27pmClare's finished talking to the Normal People. She's off now to intensely scrub her hands with bleach.
7.26pmClare Balding is underneath one of the clouds chatting to Normal People.
7.23pmThe man-made clouds are moving around suspiciously behind the BBC box.
7.19pmThere was some Olympics action earlier today, as the South Korean archery team set new world records in the ranking round. And one of them is technically BLIND.
7.18pmI'm wonder what catering options are available to spectators at the Olympic Stadium tonight. Quite like the idea that Jamie Oliver is wandering around offering people "lovely jubbly fish and chips" or "good old fashioned steak and ale pie".
7.16pmDizzee Rascal, best known for ensuring the prolonged existence of Florence and the Machine's wail, is taking us on a tour of East London.
7.14pmIf I don't see Huw Edwards getting to grips with a farmyard animal at some point tonight I'll be pretty annoyed.
7.13pmYoung GB diving hope Tom Daley will be in attendance tonight, but most of Team GB will be sitting it out.
7.10pmOne of the candidates, Sir Steve Redgrave, is on the BBC now suggesting he doesn't know. He looks remarkably under-dressed if he is going to be lighting the flame in a few hours.
7.09pmOne of the other big unanswered questions of tonight is who gets the honour of lighting the flame. Earlier today we profiled five candidates here. Not to be contrary, but my bet is Bannister.
7.08pmGreat highlights package of some of the Olympic greats of modern times. Pretty sure it's using the score from Inception too.
7.06pmClose up of a giant bell. Who will dong it? My money's on Toksvig.
7.05pmHuw Edwards is down in the centre of the stadium, taking a wander around the countryside set, which looks pretty amazing to be fair.
7.04pmOur hosts are crisp fetishist Gary Lineker and Sue Barker, wanted for the murder of the Go Compare singer. Look at her, so brazen in the face of homicide.
7.02pmThe BBC has launched a preposterous 24 TV channels specifically to cover the games. Have you picked your favourite yet? Mine is BBC Olympics Channel 17. Not as pretentious as the others.
7.01pmThe BBC's opening night coverage is underway. Benedict Cumberbatch is narrating a strangely sinister "this is London" VT.
7.00pmDaniel Craig will appear as James Bond in a special video shot for the ceremony.
6.56pmIconic British music will feature heavily in the ceremony, from The Stones and Bowie, to Winehouse and Coldplay, to... umm, The Archers theme tune.
6.53pmWhat do we know about tonight? Boyle has gone for an English countryside theme, which basically means lots of animals and their associated excrements.
6.50pmI'll be here for the next, oooh, six hours or so. Expect me to get snarkier and testier as time goes on. Queenie opens up proceedings at 9pm UK time.
6.47pmSo here we are. Welcome to the start of Sports Mole's coverage of the 2012 Olympics, live and direct from London!
