Good morning - and what a fantastic morning it is. Why it's only the day that stuttering Chelsea host bitter London rivals Arsenal at Stamford Bridge. And, equally as tense, a day that will see Jose Mourinho take on Arsene Wenger again. Expect more fireworks than a Middle-Eastern uprising, folks, because these two don't like each other. Much like Mr Wenger's puffer coat, or Jamie Vardy, it's a rivalry that will run and run forever, but today we've got another installment of it and we can't wait! Can Chelsea kick-start their season following a worst start in 29 years? Can Arsenal level things out following an inauspicious start themselves? Time will tell.

We've got a good, hmm, two hours to kill before kickoff - and an hour until the teams are released. Luckily for us there's more to chew on than a cannibal feasting on Neville Southall. But where to start? Let's have a look at Mourinho and Wenger first, shall we? Fair enough.

By virtue of the fact that we're more likely to see captain Hook and Abu Hamza shaking hands, you could say that Mourinho and Wenger do not like each other. Both managers snubbed the traditional post-match handshake - on two occasions, no less - when Arsenal beat Chelsea to clinch the Community Shield last month. As soon as the final whistle went, Wenger, who had earned his first ever win of the Portuguese at the 14th time of asking, headed straight down the tunnel like a character from the Great Escape.

After the ceremony, Mourinho congratulated every Arsenal player, but purposely snubbed his French counterpart. It was awkward television at its finest. It made that Meg Ryan interview with Parkinson look like the paradigm of on-air chemistry. Here's our Jose with a quick reminder.

There was far too much hurt inflicted by both parties in the weeks, months and years leading up to Wembley, to the point where a handshake was not on the agenda. It couldn't be; not in a feud so vitriolic that Jeremy Kyle and Graham wouldn't even bother sorting it out. Give them warring geordies, scorned girlfriends and shameless thieves, but when it comes to two stubborn-as-goats football managers, little can be done sadly.

So, from where has the bad blood emanated? Let's take a mosey on down memory lane and try uproot this antipathy, shall we? Link my arm. Link it! Off we go.

Ahead of Mourinho's second year in charge of the Blues, the Portuguese produced a hard-hitting - and, ahem, midly slanderous - slur by comparing Mr Wenger to a "voyeur" in response to the Frenchman criticising his tactics. Wenger, Mourinho said, is like a man with a "big telescope to see what happens in other families". And there we have the catalyst for one of the great managerial feuds in English football, folks.

Wenger barked back: "He's out of order, disconnected with reality and disrespectful. When you give success to stupid people, it makes them more stupid sometimes and not more intelligent." And so did Jose: "At Stamford Bridge, we have a file of quotes from Mr Wenger about Chelsea football club in the last 12 months – it is not a file of five pages. It is a file of 120 pages."

Are we starting to get a sense as to why neither indulged in the customary handshake at Wembley? If not, there's still more context to this, well, hatred. It seems to go beyond a simple professional rivalry at times - and if you don't believe that then just wait for more examples.

In February 2014, after Mourinho played down Chelsea's chances of the title, Wenger said that such a strategy was borne out of a "fear to fail". The 52-year-old proceeded to deliver such a hard-hitting riposte that it felt rather cruel. He responded: "Am I afraid of failure? He is a specialist in failure. I'm not. So if one supposes he's right and I'm afraid of failure, it's because I don't fail many times. So maybe he's right. I'm not used to failing. But the reality is he's a specialist because, eight years without a piece of silverware, that's failure."

If words were weapons, Wenger would perhaps still be hospitalised to this day. Last season, though, the pair went from schoolyard insults, to a typical schoolyard scrap. Punches were thrown? Teeth went flying? Actually, no. It was a very brief pushing match. Wenger shoved Mourinho. Mourinho shoved back. Jon Moss broke it up - and then rang their parents.

Wenger won the melee. Mourinho won the match. Again. What has added to the feud is the fact that Arsenal quite simply struggle to beat Mourinho-managed Chelsea. That win in the Community Shield was the Frenchman's first at the 14th time of asking. His opposite number has delivered scathing assessment after the other, but what will really hurt Wenger is his record against the Portuguese.

Their first meeting came way back in 2004, and if you want further context, Arsenal were still champions of England! That ended 2-2. At Highbury. The reverse fixture finished 0-0. Mourinho scooped his first win over Wenger when league champions Chelsea beat the then-FA Cup winners 2-1 in the Community Shield. Two more league wins followed in the 2005-06 season. We appreciate this may make for unpleasant reading for Arsenal fans - but we're nearly there!

Two more 1-1 draws home and away in the 2006-07 season denied Mourinho a league win, but his troops did secure their annual win over Arsenal in February 07' - and it came in a Carling Cup final, which must have hurt. Incidentally, Theo Walcott scored that day, past his now-teammate Petr Cech for what was his first Arsenal goal. Ah, the memories.

Wenger will have been delighted to see Jose sacked the following September, and then the French coach probably recoiled in horror upon hearing that, in summer 2013, the self-styled special one was returning - and he only brought his 'How to beat Wenger and Arsenal for dummies' playbook with him!

Chelsea beat them 2-0 in a League Cup clash in October of that year, before drawing 0-0 in the league outing. But what followed in March could arguably go down as Wenger's darkest day in a long and illustrious management career. Sadly for him, his 1,000th game in charge of Arsenal coincided with a trip to Stamford Bridge. Chelsea won 6-0 and Kieran Gibbs was sent off for looking like Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain. That will have sliced through Wenger like a hot knife through butter - the result, not the mistaken identity.

We're catching up with the present now. As noted, Chelsea won this fixture 2-0 last term, before the champions elect drew 0-0 at the Emirates. Arsenal fans chanted: "boring, boring Chelsea." The razor-sharp wit of Mourinho surfaced once more, asserting that 11 years without a league title is really boring. Finally, Wenger had his win over the Portuguese as Oxlade-Chamberlain's stunner proved enough last month. Here's a reminder of that:

See? This one runs deeper than an ocean, my friends, and we've got the next installment in the series coming up in just under an hour. Normally we wouldn't suggest eating popcorn this early, but under the circumstances, surely it's allowed.

Team news is coming up shortly, but in the mean time, have a quick read of Sports Mole's preview on the matter HERE!

Right, it's getting serious now. We've spoken about two of the main antagonists in this rivalry - now we'll be looking at primary protagonists. First, though, have a look at what the boys down at Sports Mole had to say on this one and we'll rendezvouz in a few minutes.

CHELSEA XI: Begovic; Ivanovic, Zouma, Cahill, Azpilicueta; Matic, Fabregas; Pedro, Oscar, Hazard; Diego Costa

ARSENAL XI: Cech; Bellerin, Gabriel, Koscielny, Monreal; Coquelin, Cazorla, Ramsey; Ozil, Alexis, Walcott

CHELSEA SUBS: Blackman, Terry, Mikel, Ramires, Loftus-Cheek, Falcao and Remy

ARSENAL SUBS: Ospina, Debuchy, Gibbs, Giroud, Arteta, Chambers, Oxlade-Chamberlain

Let's start with the hosts and I can tell you that Mr Mourinho has the luxury of naming Spanish winger Pedro in the side! He was considered a doubt after sitting out the win over Maccabi, but he's back today. That's a massive boost. In other news, Mourinho did little to stem the tide of speculation suggesting that all is not well between him and captain John Terry, who is kept out by Kurt Zouma once more. Diego Costa, Eden Hazard and Oscar start.

On to Wenger now and he elects to start Theo Walcott as his central striker as opposed to Olivier Giroud. He'll have Alexis Sanchez and Aaron Ramsey either side of him, with the slinky Mesut Ozil in behind at number 10. Gabriel continues to keep out Per Mertesacker, while Mathieu Debuchy and Mikel Arteta make way for Hector Bellerin and Francis Coquelin. And, of course, Petr Cech starts in the ground he called home for many wonderful years.

Poor Michael Oliver, who is today's fourth official. He's going to end up curled up in a ball, crying with two hands over his ears, similar to the beach scene in Saving Private Ryan. It's his job to keep Wenger and Mourinho quiet today.

Shall we examine who poses the most danger for their respective teams? Why the heck not.

We'll start with the Gunners and, having scored just five Premier League goals so fa, two of which were own goals, it could be said that Wenger's offence is about as dangerous as a padded room, or Niall Horan throwing slippers at the Hulk. Will it last? Surely not. Wenger's side have historically been known for their goalscoring exploits and, despite a slow start, it will certainly click. Today? Well, that's another matter.

Walcott and Giroud are their joint-leading goalscorers with two goals apiece. Walcott struck in the win over Stoke and the midweek Champions League defeat in Zagreb, while the towering Frenchman came off the bench to add a second last week, having also scored a wonderful acrobatic effort against Crystal Palace in August.

And, of course, Alexis Sanchez tore the Premier League and surrounding tournaments a new one in his first season last term, but he's yet to scale those heights. What a big player he could be for the Arsenal today. He's up against a very suspect Branislav Ivanovic so, you know, that may just be an avenue of great success for the Gunners. Excuse the Borat impression.

What about Chelsea then? Well, much like Arsenal, they have also struggled, but their struggles have come at both ends. Seven scored. Twelve conceded - the worst defensive record in the Premier League. They're 17th in the table. Relegation isn't a possibility, unfortunately for Wenger, but Chelsea, 11 points behind top-of-the-table Manchester City, have a long, long way to go if they are going to defend their title.

We digressed a little. We set out to talk about their danger men. Let's do that now.

It can only be Mr Costa as far as goals are concerned, right? Twenty goals last season as he helped the Blues to Capital One Cup and Premier League glory, but only two so far this season. Chelsea will certainly needs his goals to inspire their resurgence but, for whatever reason, he doesn't quite look the same player that he was last term.

Who else? Well, Pedro has certainly been a livewire since a £20m+ move from Barcelona. He, along with Costa, netted in the 3-2 win at West Brom - their only league victory - and his inclusion is a huge, huge plus today.

And surely we can't forget about Eden Hazard, the main man. The tricky Belgian double Player of the Year awards last term, which was richly deserved, but his malaise this season seems to symbolise the Blues' collective woes, doesn't it? He has zero goals and one assist from seven outings in all competitions. This is not what we've come to expect from Hazard, but if his form picks up, so will Chelsea's. It's that simple.

PREDICTION! Right, it's getting really quite serious and kickoff is just 20 minutes away! And it's so tough to predict this - but we'll give it a whirl. We're going for a simple 1-1 draw. Personally, I've gotten my last two pre-match predictions spot on, so there's a hat-trick of sorts up for grabs this afternoon.

Let's have a quick look at what Twitter is saying as we continue to whet the appetite.

Marwan Bouraad is conflicted, but he's going for the same prediction as us. He should put money on it and invest in a new hyphen button if he wins.

Good lord even the Chelsea fans don't fancy their troops this afternoon.

Looks like Mr Sah has been smoking the same substance as Wenger when he bid £40,000,001 for Luis Suarez.

Let's hope for Arsenal's sake that Wenger has gone to the trouble of watching Chelsea's previous performances.

Emsy only fancies an eight-goal thriller! She would've been right four years ago which, incidentally, is the last time Arsenal beat Chelsea in the Premier League. But Andre Villas-Boas was in charge so, much like beating your incompetent, and very drunk friend, in FIFA, it didn't really count.

Five-minute warning. We've been here for two hours and we're now on the brink of kickoff! Excited? Me too.

KICKOFF: We're off! Wenger and Mourinho shook hands, but there was no eye contact. It was colder than an eskimo's gaf but they did it in fairness to them.

Promising start by the Gunners as Walcott does well to hold the ball up, before playing in Ramsey who won a corner, which came to nothing. Chelsea clear. Coquelin fouls Costa and the Chelsea hitman does the infamous yellow card gesture. Mike Dean gives him the benefit of the doubt on this occasion.

Pace of Walcott causing problems early on as he runs on to Bellerin's long ball, brings it around Begovic but the England man can't prevent the ball from going out of play. Arsenal just on top in this opening five minutes or so.

SHOT! We've seen the first shot of the clash, and it's former Arsenal man Fabregas who drills a low drive into the body of Cech, who does well to hold it. Chelsea coming back into it somewhat.

We said Sanchez would cause Ivanovic problems, and the big Serbian fouls his Chilean counterpart outside the box. Cazorla will whip this into the area, but it doesn't even beat the first man as Hazard headers away.

Ten minutes gone then and Arsenal looking very comfortable. That being said, they regularly dominate this fixture by way of possession and still often lose, so we can't read too much into their strong start.

Here's an image of that frosty handshake. It's a reflection of everything we spent the first hour talking about.

Good work from Monreal as he snuffs out a major danger from Costa there a moment ago. He's been excellent for the past 18 months or so, Monreal, and he has started well here. With Ivanovic fairly shaky this season, the left-hand side could be a fruitful avenue for the Gunners.

Wenger has been flagged offside twice already, which should contextualise things somewhat. He's playing on the shoulder, a la Thierry Henry, but he's yet to get a sight at goal. Promising though.

Chelsea turning on the heat as Oscar and Hazard exchange a slick one-two, before the latter's cross is cleared for a corner, which Koscielny clears. Much better from the hosts.

Chelsea growing in confidence as Costa nicks the ball from Bellerin cheaply, but his cut back inside the box is to nobody, prompting a huge sigh from the home fans. Coquelin is down injured now and Chelsea put it out. Mikel Arteta in a game like this does not bode well from an Arsenal perspective. They need the Frenchman to do a T Swift and shake it off.

Coquelin leaves the field for further treatment, but he's limping and it remains to be seen whether or not Arsenal need to bring him off.

Huge boost for the Gunners as Coquelin jogs back on to the field of play. Every Arsenal in Stamford Bridge and at home is breathing a sigh of relief.

SHOT! Chelsea have had both shots, and it's Costa this time but Cech is down well to deny his former team. The Blues growing on top.

Cahill has gotten a lot tighter to Walcott over the last 15 minutes or so. He's just followed the Arsenal striker into his own half. Walcott needs a restraining order.

SHOT! Arsenal force Begovic into his first meaningful save as Walcott opens his body up and looks to pass it beyond the Chelsea keeper, who saves well. It was Thierry Henry-esque - the technique, not the finish.

BOOKING: Santi Cazorla goes into the book for bringing down compatriot Pedro. No complaints.

CHANCE! First big chance of the clash as Fabregas plays in the quiet Pedro, who can't get quite sort his feet out in front of Cech, who smothers the ball well. Good from Chelsea.

SHOT! A quite superb flick over his head from Ozil releases Ramsey into a shooting position, but the Welshman shanks horribly wide from outside the box. Better from the Gunners.

Arsenal fans now give Mourinho a bit of stick by telling him to, well, I can't say, because this is a family commentary, but the first word rhymes with truck.

SHOT! Zouma fires just over from about 35 yards, before Pedro, running on to Costa's lay off, shanks wide. Well wide.

Huge from Kurt Zouma. He slips while Walcott is running at him, before the England forward knocks the ball past him but the French defender recovers superbly, and just in the nick of time, to prod the ball away. That's why he's playing and Terry isn't.

CHANCE! Oh lord what is Ramsey playing at here? Ozil's excellent cross finds him at the back post but, instead of shooting first time, the Welshman takes a touch and Azpilicueta clears. At the other end, Costa is walking such a thin line and he's so lucky to be on the field after nudging his head into Koscielny's. He's living up to his reputation.

BOOKING: Gabriel and Costa then get embroiled in a melee, which sees both awarded a yellow card.

RED CARD FOR ARSENAL! Stupid from Gabriel as he and Costa continue a war of words even after the bookings, and Gabriel nudges his heel into the Chelsea striker and he's sent off! Stupid from Gabriel but Costa could, and should've, been sent off for his clash with Koscielny. Chaos at Stamford Bridge.

Didn't we say that there would be fireworks? My lord. A relatively lifeless first half exploded into life at the end when Gabriel was sent off for kicking back at Costa, literally moments after both were given yellow cards. The Brazilian defender had initially rushed to the aid of Koscielny, who Costa had man-handled twice in a matter of moments prior in arguably two red-card offences. It's just a mess.

On second viewing, Gabriel's offence is harmless, but it's the gesture which has resulted in his red card. It's so silly from the Arsenal man and they've got it all to do now.

This is one of the kinder comments on Mike Dean's performance. I can't possibly post the other ones.

RESTART: Looks like Coquelin is coming off for Calum Chambers. He endured a nightmare when Liverpool travelled to the Emirates last month. Big 45 minutes for him.

SHOT! Instant pressure from Chelsea as Pedro volleys over the bar. They can expect a lot of this for the next 45 minutes.

BOOKING: Ivanovic goes into the book for fouling Sanchez on the edge of the box, and Ozil will be licking his lips. They couldn't, could they?

Sanchez's effort clips off Zouma's big head and it's a corner, which comes to nothing. Poor from Arsenal.

To Arsenal's credit, you wouldn't really know that they had 10 men. It hasn't been one-way traffic in Chelsea's favour, but they have a free kick now.

A hard job for Arsenal just got much, much harder. Fabregas floats a wonderful free kick into the box, and Zouma, starting instead of John Terry, gets the run on Monreal to head home at the back post.

SAVE! There's no let-up from Chelsea as Hazard's ferocious strike is beaten away by Cech. They might need a second goal, despite the 10 men, because Arsenal have got forward well. We'll wait and see.

CHANCE! Oh my word we said Chelsea might need a second goal, and that theory is reflected in the fact that Sanchez has horribly miscued his volley and, a player of his calibre, it certainly should be 1-1. Simple as.

We've got about 28 minutes to go then and Arsenal, to their credit, haven't collapsed completely despite that goal and their man disadvantage. They've also got Giroud on the bench.

SHOTS! Better from Walcott as he skips by Cahill, but he's in too much of a rush and he curls well wide. At the other end, Hazard comes alive finally as he pulls a decent effort wide.

Fabregas looks determined to score against his former club today as he has another shot, but it's blocked. Moments later, Pedro fires well over.

SUB: Chelsea make their first sub now as Oscar is replaced by compatriot Ramires.

Twenty minutes to go then and Chelsea really do need a second goal. Arsenal have done enough to suggest that they may just nick a goal this afternoon.

BOOKING: Calum Chambers goes into the book and Fabregas will look to float in another ball from an identical position which led to the goal, but it comes to nothing.

PENALTY APPEAL! Costa goes down inside the area, but Mike Dean is having none of it.

DOUBLE SUB: Giroud and Oxlade-Chamberlain replace Sanchez and Ozil now. Is that enough to snatch a point? We shall see.

SHOT! Arsenal applying a bit of pressure now and Arsenal have a corner after Walcott's deflected effort trickles out but, as usual, the set piece comes to nothing.

RED CARD! Cazorla, who's already been booked, goes sliding into a challenge on Fabregas and he's off. So silly from the Spaniard and Arsenal down to nine men.

Two more red cards and Chelsea win 3-0, according to Pro Evo, so Chelsea should just start playing for red cards instead of goals at this stage.

Arsenal had a free kick there but it came to nothing. Despite the nine men, there's still only one goal separating both sides. It couldn't possibly happen, could it?

Chelsea have a chance to finish things off now as Koscielny fouls Fabregas and let's see if they can double the lead.

Hazard's free kick is deflected over by the Arsenal wall, but the corner comes to nothing. I must say - Chelsea haven't impressed. They're going to get the win, which is far more important than the performance, but still, it's not inspiring.

In the first of five added minutes, Hazard volleys at goal and it's deflected past Cech by second-half sub Calum Chambers.

'Jose Mourinho' echoes around Stamford Bridge now and the under-fire Portuguese certainly has the support of these fans.

Well, that's all she wrote, my friends. To call it fiery just wouldn't cut it. Gabriel was sent off toward the end of the first half following a petulant kick-out at Costa, having been booked moments earlier. There was a huge sense of injustice, though, after Costa swiped his hand into the face of Koscielny, which caused the melee.

Nevertheless, big Kurt Zouma headed Chelsea ahead within five or six minutes of the restart, before Santi Cazorla saw red on 80 minutes to give the nine-man Gunners an even steeper hill to climb. Calum Chambers's own goal then put the tie to bed late in the contest and that's how it happened. Hugely controversial game overall and both managers' post-match quotes will be interesting. Very interesting. Anywho, that's us. Thanks for tuning in for the last four hours and we'll see you next time.