With 15 points and 13 defeats between them, Bournemouth and Newcastle United haven't exactly set the Premier League alight so far this season. Let's be honest - they've both been a bit pony. Up front, they've been about as toothless as a serial Jeremy Kyle guest. At the back, they've been about as organised as a Million Mask March. It's just not been good, my friends. But one victory can change everything! I'm Shane and I'll be bringing you live coverage from Dean Court as the Cherries look to improve on their record of two wins, while the one-win Magpies bid to climb out of the relegation zone. Let's go.

Before we look at team news, let's look at both sides' recent form and Bournemouth, who sit 17th in the table, went down 2-0 at Southampton last Sunday. It was a truly woeful first half from Eddie Howe and co, who were as spineless as a serpant, but they found a backbone in the second period. In truth, it was a second-half onslaught, but they lacked the firepower to take some of their chances. It was quite encouraging, but doing it over 45 minutes is no good to anybody - displays like that need to come over 90 minutes and the South-Coast side will hope for a strong overall performance this morning.

And Newcastle? Well, they drew 0-0 at home to Stoke City. Steve McClaren's side also dominated that one, with City goalkeeper Jack Butland producing a man of the match winning display to keep out the Magpies time and again. Like Bournemouth, and me in nightclubs, United have major scoring problems and it doesn't bode well when you're up a very well known creek and battling relegation, does it? Nope.

They've bagged 12 goals this season - and six of those came in one game, a 6-2 win over Norwich City for what remains their one and only victory this season. They're certainly in a bit of bother.

Right, let's get cracking with a bit of team news, but first, here's a picture of McClaren doing a Phil Taylor impression. We'll get eyes on Eddie Howe a little later.

BOURNEMOUTH XI: Federici, Smith, Francis, Distin, Daniels, Ritchie, Gosling, Surman, Arter, Stanislas, King

NEWCASTLE XI: Elliot; Janmaat, Mbemba, Coloccini, Dummett; Sissoko, Anita, Tiote, Wijnaldum; Perez, Mitrovic

BOURNEMOUTH SUBS: Boruc, Cook, Bennett, MacDonald, Tomlin, Kermorgant, Rantie

NEWCASTLE SUBS: Woodman, Lascelles, Mbabu, Gouffran, De Jong, Thauvin, Cisse

So, let's start with Bournemouth and Mr Howe names two changes from the 2-0 defeat at Southampton, with Junior Stanislas and Joshua King - who impressed off the bench against the Saints - earning starting berths at the expense of Marc Pugh and Glenn Murray. Adam Federici stays in goal, despite Artur Boruc returning to the matchday squad, while captain Steve Cook remains sidelined as Adam Smith continues at right-back. Harry Arter, who made his Premier League debut last week, starts here again after a brilliant second-half display at St Mary's.

On to the Magpies now and McClaren names an unchanged side from the one which drew 0-0 with Stoke City. Aleksandar Mitrovic leads the line, with Ayoze Perez operating in behind him. On the wings, Moussa Sissoko and Wijnaldum provide wide support, while there's a boost between the sticks as Rob Elliot, their second-choice keeper, is fit enough to continue deputising for Tim Krul following an injury scare during the week. That's your lot!

We couldn't find a photo of Howe, but here's a snap of Jurgen Klopp meeting one of Bournemouth's Under-17 players.

We jest. That is of course Howe, but what the 37-year-old lacks in age, he makes up for in maturity. In fact, McClaren paid his opposite number the ultimate compliment by tipping him for the England job at some point in the future. Click HERE for more on that one. Just don't go to McClaren for tips on how to succeed as England boss. Tip one - do NOT bring an umbrella to matches.

Before we go any further, why not see what the boys down at Sports Mole HQ have had to say about this one? Go on.

HEAD-2-HEAD: Both these sides last met in 1992 - or, in other words, five years before Howe was even born. It was an FA Cup encounter, with Bournemouth winning a third-round replay on penalties following a 2-2 draw. Overall, they've only met on six occasions, with both sides winning two apiece.

DID YOU KNOW? Some more stats to whet the appetite here, and did you know that, with 25 goals conceded, Bournemouth have the second worst defence in the Premier League? Yep. Did you also know that Newcastle have recorded 36 shots in their previous two games, which have yielded zero goals? Yep. If McClaren's men find their shooting boots then this could, potentially, get quite messy for the hosts.

Newcastle may not have the best players in the world, or indeed the best manager. In fact, they're definitely not the best club in the world, but their fans are pretty decent - best in the world might be a stretch. Anywho, over 1, 300 of them have made a 700-mile trip to the South Coast this afternoon to watch their side. Will it be a fruitful journey? We'll know shortly.

PREDICTION! Fifteen minutes until kickoff - let's get a prediction wrong. Bournemouth did enough in the second half at St Mary's to prove they won't go down without a fight and I fancy them to come out swinging here. 2-1 Bournemouth.

Let's see what the boys and girls in the world of Twitter makes of this one.

That is literally the Peter Beardsley of cats though. Good grief.

You can tell Dave has had an argument with the missus and he's using Twitter to vent here.

Kieran might or might not be a little sarcastic here.

Right, five minutes to go. Excited? Me too.

KICKOFF: It's a blustery morning on the South Coast, which could wreak havoc on long-ball Newcastle, but let's forget about that for the moment. The Magpies get us underway. Let's go.

Not sure Bournemouth have touched the ball yet. Newcastle knocking it around nicely, but an early flag for Mitrovic has seen the Serbian ruled offside. Bournemouth have the ball.

SHOT! It's been all Newcastle in terms of possession, but Bournemouth have the first attempt. It's Joshua King, from an almost impossible angle, but his effort is on target and Elliot has to tip it over the bar. Moments later, Daniels drags a left-footed effort past the far post. Good stuff from the Cherries.

Bournemouth whip another corner into the box, this time from the other side, but this one also comes to nothing. Eddie Howe's men slowly but surely growing more dangerous.

CHANCE! This has to go down as a chance. Right-back Charlie Daniels fizzes a low cross into the box for Matt Ritchie, whose first-time shot is scuffed and the attack breaks down. Over 1000 Newcastle fans made the trip to the South Coast and they won't be happy with this start. The hosts well on top.

Brilliant from Stanislas, who makes a mug of Janmaat by knocking it past the Dutchman before pulling back for a red and black shirt from the byline, but Newcastle snuff out the danger. Stanislas is one of two changes by Howe before kickoff, and he looks sharp - very sharp.

CHANCE! Goalkeeper Rob Elliot spares Anita's blushes big time! Joshua King looks to be through on goal, courtesy of an Anita assist, but Elliot races off his line and thankfully wins the 50-50 outside his box. Anita looking suspect.

PENALTY APPEAL: The hosts still in full control of this and they want a penalty now as King goes down under a block from Coloccini. Lee Mason having none of it.

There's a plastic bag floating around the pitch in a scene reminescent of American Beauty. It's not the only rubbish on the field, though, because Newcastle haven't been very good either.

To their credit, Newcastle have looked dangerous when going forward and Wijnaldum is very nearly in on goal but big Distin snuffs out the chance. There's certainly goals in this one - for both sides.

CHANCE! Oh god. If King had a left foot then it's 1-0, but he doesn't, so it's not. The Cherries hitman does brilliantly to deceive Coloccini on two occasions as he looked certain to finish with his left, but he tried to work it on to his right and Elliot makes a good save from close range. Really poor that - this is the Premier League! It's quite important that you have two feet.

We've reached the 25-minute mark and it's been all Bournemouth. Newcastle have barely had a kick, but the hosts' finishing has left something to be desired.

SHOT! Andrew Surman has a couple of blocked shots now but they're well kept out by Coloccini on both occasions I think. The Cherries need to start taking their chances; okay this was not a chance, but they have had opportunities.

Wow. This is totally against the run of play. Mitrovic's clever backheel releases Wijnaldum down the middle, just outside the box, but Perez takes it off his hands and prods past Federici, who got a big touch. So much wrong with that. Poor defending and goalkeeping, and Bournemouth somehow trailing.

To their credit, Bournemouth have responded well and they've got a corner here. There's a bit of a fracas on the six-yard box, but the Magpies ultimately clear. Fifteen minutes left in the half.

Bournemouth continue to toil in the final third. Newcastle have defended well for the most part, but we've seen enough cracks to suggest that there's goals here for Bournemouth.

SAVE! Just as we say that, Bournemouth almost equalise as King's flick-on from a free kick is pawed away by Elliot, who's probably been Newcastle's best player.

It's wet and windy on the South Coast now and these aren't ideal conditions, but they could have a positive or negative effect for Bournemouth on the comeback trail.

SHOT! This is ever so close for right-back Adam Smith, who drives inches over the crossbar from outside the box. Bournemouth finishing this half well on top.

SAVE! We said Rob Elliot has been Newcastle's best player, and he proves it again with a fine near-post save to keep out Dan Gosling's header. The hosts turning the screw, but Elliot is proving very, very hard to beat.

Three minutes until the break and it looks like Perez - or should we say Rob Elliot - has earned United a narrow half-time lead. But who knows. Let's see what happens in the final minutes of this half.

So, Perez's goal is the difference between both sides. How? We're not quite sure. Bournemouth have been utterly dominant, but they've failed to take their chances. Their best opportunity came from King at 0-0, but the Cherries hitman inexplicably tried to work it on to his right foot when it favoured a left-footed finish and Rob Elliot - who's been absolutely brilliant - made a good save. Then, Perez prodded past Federici, who should've saved it. Very, very flattering for the Magpies, who simply must improve after the break because Bournemouth won't keep missing. They won't.

SAVE! We're back underway for about 20 seconds before Elliot picks up where he left off by denying Matt Ritchie's header with another brilliant save. Take a bow - a big one - pal.

CHANCE! Another good chance here as Dan Gosling heads over the crossbar. The Cherries are well on top. They're throwing the kitchen sink at the Magpies, who are somehow clinging on.

SHOT! Has a witch doctor put a hex on Bournemouth's players? They just can't score. Ritchie misses a sitter from close range, before Joshua King, from about 10 yards out, drives well over the bar under no pressure from anybody. He had time and space to pick his spot, which ended up being row-z sadly.

It's just died down a little in recent minutes as Newcastle cope a little better with the pressure. Still, I'd be amazed if the visitors didn't concede at least one. Surely they have to eventually? Surely?

Newcastle just coming back into the contest now and Bournemouth, it seems, are running out of ideas a little, which isn't surprising.

Papiss Cisse is being readied by the Magpies now as McClaren looks to change things up a little.

SUB: Cisse replaces Mitrovic now. The Serbian didn't do much, but he was a handful when he was involved and he did have a role in Perez's opener.

Brilliant defending from Chancel Mbemba here as he nudges Dan Gosling out of the way to allow Elliot collect a through ball from Stanislas. It was an identical challenge which saw Coloccini sent off at Sunderland, who got a penalty that day, but Lee Mason is having none of it.

On the face of it, Bournemouth seem to be playing well, but how well could they possibly be playing when they can't score? Newcastle have been alright defensively, but the hosts are hardly forging clear-cut chances, are they? Still, there's a good 22 minutes to play.

Some excellent defending from Mbemba again. Coloccini cuts out Daniels's low cross, but the ball looks poised to fall to Arter from a few yards out, though big Mbemba gets across really well to snuff out the chance again. We've talked about Elliot's contribution in this lead, but Mbemba has been a huge factor too.

Bournemouth have their 13th corner now - Newcastle haven't had any - but like the previous 12, Newcastle defend this one. Wait, no, here's their 14th now...

SUB: Lee Tomlin, who was excellent at St Mary's last week, and Yann Kermorgrant replace Joshua King and Junior Stanislas. That other corner came to nothing, by the way.

Good defending from Paul Dummett as he heads away a free kick, but the ball is coming straight back into the visitors' danger zone and here's their 15th corner coming up..

Tomlin's delivery is decent, but Coloccini draws a foul and some much-needed respite. Now, Perez, the match-winner as it stands, is replaced by Thauvin. Thirteen minutes for the visitors to hang on.

SUB: One last throw of the dice for the hosts now as Tokelo Rantie replaces the quiet Arter, who didn't do a whole lot and probably could've been subbed before now. Eleven minutes.

BOOKING: Some more respite for the Magpies now as Thauvin does well to win a free kick deep in Bournemouth's half, with Smith booked for the foul.

CHANCE! Wow. This would've been the ultimate insult as Coloccini heads over from close range. That's their second attempt on goal!

Four minutes to go and Bournemouth are officially out of ideas I feel. The introduction of Thauvin has been a masterstroke from McClaren. Bournemouth getting far less joy now that the Frenchman is on.

BOOKING: Tiote gets his customary booking. Matt Ritchie drives well over the bar from the free kick.

SIX MINUTES ADDED ON! Yes, SIX. S-I-X. Lord knows where the fourth official plucked that number from.

SUB: Kevin Mbabu comes on to replace Vurnon Anita as McClaren shores off the defence.

Two minutes to play and it's not looking great for the hosts, who have run out of ideas I think.

That sums it up. Matt Ritchie's free kick floats into the arms of Elliot, who's been comfortably the man of the match. Comfortably.

That's it! Ayoze Perez's first-half strike is enough and Newcastle, somehow, return home on the 700-mile journey with all three points. Well, we say somehow, but we know how - it was Rob Elliot, who produced some truly fine saves to keep out the Cherries in both halves. Honourable mention to Mbemba and Coloccini, who were brilliant at the heart of the Magpies' defence, but it was a chance missed by the hosts, whose finishing let them down big time. Credit to the Newcastle fans, who made a 700-mile trip to make this one. They haven't been let down. Anywho, that's us. Cheers for joining our live text commentary and we'll see you next time.