Good evening and welcome to Chelsea's 2-0 win over Swansea City in their Premier League opener at Stamford Bridge. Are we getting ahead of ourselves? What, are you telling us that the Blues won't kick off the defence of their title with a very Chelsea-esque 2-0 victory? Time will tell. Anywho, I'm Shane and I'll be bringing you all of the action from West London as this evening's hosts look to put some dismal pre-season form behind them. By winning 2-0. Probably.

Indeed, everybody's favourite top-flight division is back for the next nine months. Earlier today we saw a 96-year-old woman lethargically pull on the rope that raised the curtain on the 2015-16 Premier League season. Why we're being metaphorical of course.

Manchester United and Spurs were charged with the task of lighting the fuse for another Premier League season and, well, it was a bit of a shocker. The Red Devils established an early lead at the summit of the table with a 1-0 win thanks to Kyle Walker's 22nd-minute own goal. That's it. Nothing else happened. Here's to hoping that Jose Mourinho's men make up for it this evening.

Shall we have a look at the team news? Why not. Stay tuned.

CHELSEA XI: Courtois; Ivanovic, Cahill, Terry (c), Azpilicueta; Matic, Fabregas; Willian, Oscar, Hazard; Diego Costa

SWANSEA XI: Fabianski, Naughton, Fernandez, Williams (C), Taylor, Ki Sung-Yueng, Shelvey, Sigurdsson, Ayew, Montero, Gomis

CHELSEA SUBS: Begovic, Zouma, Ramires, Mikel, Moses, Remy, Falcao

SWANSEA SUBS: Nordfeldt, Rangel, Bartley, Tabanou, Cork, Routledge, Eder

Okay so let's start with the hosts and I can confirm that the man himself Diego Costa starts! The star striker was expected to sit this one out with a hamstring injury but it seems that he has overcome his struggles. This is ominous for Swansea because he has five goals in two games against them. Elsewhere, it's pretty much the first XI that helped them to the Premier League title. Radamel Falcao on the bench.

On to the boys from South Wales now and Mr Garry Monk gives a Premier League debut to Andre Ayew following his Bosman switch from Marseille. He joins Gylfi Sigurdsson and Jefferson Montero in midfield to support loan striker Bafetimbi Gomis. Other new signings Kristoffer Nordfeldt, Franck Tabanou and Eder are on the bench.

Let's amble down memory lane and, unsurprisingly, Chelsea did the double over their Welsh counterparts last season. They only went and thumped them 5-0 at the Liberty Stadium earlier this year, having already beat them 4-2 at Stamford Bridge last September. Will we see a repeat of either of those scorelines today? Nope because it'll be 2-0.

DID YOU KNOW? Swansea's only league win at Stamford Bridge came way back in 1925, when they were known as Swansea Town? There you go. I'm sure we'll stumble across some more pointless pre-match stuff over the next half-hour or so.

Speaking of pointless exercises, you get the impression that Mourinho isn't too fond of pre-season. In his press conference, he described the visit of Swanea as the return of "real football". It's hard not to wonder whether or not his attitude would be slightly different had Chelsea not endured quite a trying pre-season campaign.

In July, they only went and lost to New York Red Bulls, before also losing to Arsenal in last week's Community Shield clash - a defeat that reminded us of two things a) Chelsea have serious competition in the defence of their title this season and b) Mourinho and Wenger don't like each other.

Handbags at dawn over handshakes - or a lack of - at Wembley six days ago. Neither manager engaged in the customary post-match handshake. It was this fact which has prompted theories that Mourinho, despite what he suggested, did care about that defeat. After all, he lost a trophy and his 13-match unbeaten streak against Wenger that day. He can't have been happy.

DID YOU KNOW? Here's part two in our series of pointless trivia - and did you know that Chelsea boast the strongest opening-day record in the Premier League? They've won 15 of their 23 games, and have not lost one since the 1998-99 season. That's 17 years.

DID YOU KNOW? I'll let Swansea conclude our trilogy of pointless facts now.

PREDICTION! 2-0 Chelsea. Enough said. 10 minutes to go. Let's go. Enough said. Short sentences. Enough said.

Incidentally, the 3pm games have all finished. Here's how the results went:

Man United 1-0 Spurs
Bournemouth 0-1 Aston Villa
Everton 2-2 Watford
Leicester 4-2 Sunderland
Norwich 1-3 Crystal Palace

Bear in mind that Arsenal and Liverpool face West Ham and Stoke tomorrow, while Manchester City face West Brom away on Monday night.

KICKOFF: And we're off at Stamford Bridge. Can they get their title defence off to a flier? Yes it'll be 2-0. How many times need we say it? Let's go.

New haircut but same attitude for Costa, who looks as tenacious as ever in these early stages. It's all Chelsea in the opening three minutes or so. Oscar is on the ground, with his hands on his face, but I didn't see what happened.

Oscar is back on his feet after a bit of treatment from Chelsea's very attractive physio. I'd be going to ground for no reason every few minutes as well.

CHANCE! Oh my word this isn't far away from Bafetimbi Gomis, who gets the run on Ivanovic to head Jonjo Shelvey's excellent header just wide. First blood Swansea in terms of chances.

Good goalkeeping by Lukasz Fabianski, who races off his line to collect Eden Hazard's through ball before Costa can get to it.

SHOT! Ivanovic has Chelsea's first shot of the game, but it's a shocker as he takes aim from 25 yards and drills well over the bar.

Swansea seem unfazed by the challenge of toppling the champions here. Shelvey does well down the right flank before drilling a ball into the box, but Courtois gathers it safely.

CHANCE! How does Gomis not score here? He's through with Courtois, but he cuts inside and then shots, and his dithering allows Cahill to get on the line and clear away.

PENALTY APPEAL: Costa is furious after he's brought down in the area by Federico Fernandez, but replays show that the Swansea defender might've just got the slightest of touches on the ball. I think it's a brilliant decision by Michael Oliver.

BOOKING: Cracking first 18 minutes here as Jonjo Shelvey goes into the book for a late challenge on Oscar. Fair enough.

Oscar is being battered here. He's fouled by Ki on the edge of the box and Fabregas will float this into the danger zone now doubt.

It was Oscar, who curled a quite brilliant ball across the face of goal from the free kick but nobody gambles!

He delivered a superb delivery from a free kick a minute ago, and he's produced another one here as his low cross from a free kick deceives Fabianski and nestles in the corner of the net! Penny for the thoughts of Gomis, who has missed two sitters AND conceded that free kick. He's having a mare.

Swansea need to simmer down a little. Gomis is still acting the ham. Williams needs to have a word with him you feel. They were arguably the better side up until that goal so hopefully for Swansea they'll calm down.

It's nothing less than Swansea deserve, and it's debutant Ayew! Gomis's brilliant header is excellently palmed away by Courtois, but the ball fall to Ayew, whose initial shot is blocked, but he's on his feet instantly, before producing a drag-back and finding the far corner. Excellent goal.

So cruel for Swansea. Less than a minute after drawing level, they're behind again as Willian's cross deflects off Fernandez before looping over Fabianski. It was a freak goal. Complete freak.

Ten minutes until the break then and Swansea desperately unlucky to be trailing. They've not been second best in terms of possession and the chances, but the scoreline is all that matters, isn't it?

We've given Gomis a bit of stick, which he has deserved, but he's done really well since missing those early chances and conceding the free kick which led to their opener. He could have a big say in Swansea's hopes during the second half.

SUB: First sub now as Ki pulls up with a hamstring injury before being replaced by Jack Cork.

Swansea are playing some cracking stuff but I think half-time is going to come too soon.

That's all she wrote. Chelsea lead 2-1 thanks to Oscar and a freak own goal from Fernandez, either side of Ayew's excellent equaliser. Swansea are unlucky to be trailing at the break truth be told. They've been excellent for 45 minutes, and they would be level if not for that ridiculously unlucky own goal.

RESTART! Well, it was a brilliant first half. Can this half follow suit? Let's see.

It's lucky Chelsea players are quite tall, but this free kick from Sigurdsson is floating straight into the top corner until Terry heads it over for a corner, which came to nothing.

It's all Swansea. Chelsea haven't come out from the interval yet. Garry Monk has to know that there's a point at least for his side here if they play their cards right.

What a massive moment in this game. Gomis latches on to Sigurdsson's over-the-top ball before rounding Courtois, but he's taken out by the Belgian on the edge of the box. Penalty. Red card. Massive.

SUB: Here comes Asmir Begovic to replace Oscar. Normally it'd be Petr Cech, but he's with Arsenal now. His first ask as a Chelsea player will be to save a penalty!

Cool penalty from the Frenchman as he sends Begovic the wrong way and now we've got a very, very, very interesting last 35 minutes. You have to feel for Oscar by the way. He was excellent.

Will Monk go for all three points? No reason why he shouldn't. Chelsea were on the ropes before going down to 10 men. An opening-day defeat is on the cards.

SHOT! Montero, who has been brilliant this evening, forces Begovic to palm away his low drive.

SAVE! Brilliant effort and an equally good stop from Begovic, who denies Montero for the second time in as many minutes. Swansea are purring here.

Excellent defensive header from Fernandez as 10-man Chelsea show no sign of slowing down as of yet. They're still piling forward. They can't protect this lead and that's testament to Swansea's potency in the final third.

CHANCE! Swansea caught cold now as Ivanovic almost heads Fabregas's free kick home, but it flies over the bar. Should've scored. Simple as.

DISALLOWED GOAL! Gomis thinks he has netted a third but the flag is up for offside. It was a brilliant ball by Neil Taylor but a good decision by the linesman.

SUB: Dodgy sub here as Monk brings Montero off for Wayne Routledge. He's only been your best player, Garry!

SHOT! Almost an instant impact by Routledge, who attacks Gary Cahill, using him as a shield to curl around but Begovic is equal to it.

SUB: Fabregas goes off, but I didn't see for who! Give me a moment. Ah, yes. He's off for big Zouma.

SUB: Eder replaces Gomis for the last 12 minutes or so. He couldn't win it, could he? Imagine that!

Swansea have been absolutely brilliant. Every single one of them. It's an awe-inspiring performance that deserves three points. It really does. But Falcao is being readied so they may yet leave with nothing!

SUB: Chelsea make their last sub as Falcao comes on for Willian. He can't be the hero, can he? The stage is set.

Chelsea well on top and I'm sure Swansea fans are bricking it at the moment. So they should be. It would be a very Chelsea thing to do, to score late.

Handbags between Ayew and Azpilicueta now as the former tries to wrestle the ball off him and there's a brief melee. Keep the head lads there's only five minutes left approximately.

BOOKING: Tactical foul from Neil Taylor on Hazard. He had to make the challenge.

Have we caught our breath? What a fantastic game. It had everything: Goals. Penalties. Cards of both colours. Controversy. Goals. Everything. Gomis's second-half penalty - after Courtois was sent off - was enough to give Swansea a point. But it should it have been all three? Undoubtedly. They were the better side throughout the game and Monk might be a bit disappointed here.

Anywho, that's all from us. Thanks for joining our live coverage and we'll see you tomorrow no doubt!