Hello and welcome to Sports Mole's live coverage of the Opening Ceremony of the Winter Olympics, which are this time around being held in the Russian city of Sochi. The ceremony itself gets underway at the rather precise time of 4.14pm, so I'll be waffling on between now and then to help kill the time.

Sochi is located in the far West of Russia - so far West, in fact, that it's effectively in Europe - on the Black Sea coast. Since 1959 it has been twinned with the English town of Cheltenham and has a population of around 350,000, exactly none of whom is gay. Ahem.

Russia's anti-gay laws have probably been the main talking point in the run-up to the Games, provoking condemnation from participating countries, commercial sponsors and public figures.

The background: Russian president Vladmir 'please don't' Putin - a former KGB officer - has banned gay "propaganda", effectively making it illegal to tell children that being gay is normal, or to so much as swish a rainbow flag. Several Russian politicians have variously labelled gay people "perverts" and "abnormal" while equating homosexuality with paedophilia. Speaking late last month, Putin insisted that he wanted gay people to be "comfortable" in Sochi, but advised: "Leave the children in peace."

The passing of the anti-gay laws has been followed by an increase in violent attacks on gay Russians. Anti-gay organisations have violently abused young gay people at Russia's Gay Pride and those working at a leading HIV support centre, while a group known as 'Occupy Paedophilia' have been abducting young gay men and then humiliating them in online videos. Earlier this week, Human Rights Watch released this video depicting anti-gay attacks across the country (Warning: the footage is of a violent and disturbing nature):

The question of whether Sochi is actually ready to host the Games has also been a hot topic right up until today. Earlier this week, journalists checking into hotels in Sochi reported poor conditions including unfinished rooms, lack of heating or internet and brown water. Meanwhile, there has also been a suggestion that Sochi officials are monitoring hotel guests via cameras in the bathrooms.

The local stray dog population has been a concern, too - but according to some reports, officials have attempted to deal with the problem by ordering their extermination.

All this being said, the Sochi Olympics are being viewed as a springboard to many more sporting events in the city in the future. The 2018 World Cup in Russia will feature some games at Sochi’s Olympic Stadium, while Formula 1’s grand puppeteer Bernie Ecclestone has agreed a deal to reinstate the Russian GP in Sochi later this year.

A record 88 nations will be participating in this year's Games, up from the 82 which took part in the last Games, held in Vancouver. Athletes from India will be entering as independent participants under the Olympic flag after India was suspended from the Games over concerns about the Indian Olympic Association.

Team GB picked up just one medal in Vancouver, albeit a gold, for Amy Williams's performance in the skeleton. Topping the medal table were hosts Canada with 14 golds and 26 in total, while Germany, the US and Norway also had strong showings. Russia managed 11th place with 3 golds and 15 honours in total.

The Games technically got underway yesterday, with early rounds of competition in the figure skating, snowboarding and freestyle skiing. Japan were early leaders in the skating, while Team GB are currently 10th after the competing pair took a tumble during their routine.

The BBC's coverage of the opening ceremony is now underway on BBC Two, hosted by Justin Bieber!

Oh wait, no, my mistake. It's Clare Balding, using up some of her annual leave from BT Sport. Workhorse.

So what can we expect from the opening ceremony? There'll apparently be a big music-and-dance performance celebrating "20th-century Russia", as well as performances from some of the country's top composers.

SPOILER! There will also be flags. Lots and lots of flags. Just not rainbow ones.

In a rather curious move, forgotten Russian pop duo t.A.T.u. are also expected to perform tonight. The pair caused controversy with the video for their 2002 lesbian-angst hit 'All The Things She Said', which you can relive below:

Presumably the inclusion of the girls is a response to the criticism of Russia's anti-gay laws (although for balance, the support act should probably be Four Poofs and a Piano). Either way, hopefully we'll get some nice camera closeups of big Vlad's reaction as the girls gyrate around the stage.

As for the flags - well, the good news is that there are nowhere near as many to get through as at the Olympic or Paralympic games. As per usual, Greece will emerge first, followed by every other nation in alphabetical order, finishing with Russia.

Team GB's flagbearer has been named as Jon Eley, a 29-year-old speed skater from Solihull. "It's a very strong team, a group of winners," he told the BBC yesterday. "I'd like to think we can be a very successful team on this trip." Team GB have not managed to pick up more than three medals at the Winter Olympics since 1936, but will be hoping that the momentum from their successes at London 2012 will propel them to better things this time around.

Update: Team GB are now making their way into the backstage area of the stadium, led by what appears to be the Krankies.

Just a quick word on how Sports Mole will be covering the Winter Olympics. Over the course of the Games we'll be providing constant updates of all the major results and reaction in our Special Sochi Section (go on, bookmark it) via a dedicated team of reporters working 24/7. Yes, even at night when the athletes are sleeping. That's how dedicated our reporters are.

PUTIN FACT! Did you know that in 2008, big Vlad rescued a camera crew from a tiger attack? He's also "frolicked" with a snow leopard and been seen tagging whales.

There are just nine minutes until the ceremony gets underway in Sochi. Things begin at 4.14pm, or 8.14pm local time. Why so precise? Well, in the 24-hour clock, 8.14pm is 20.14! Cue confused Americans.

Right now in Sochi it's six degrees celsius and slightly overcast. The Olympic Stadium (or to be precise, the Fisht Olympic Stadium) is illuminated blue. We're now just moments away.

Voicing the BBC's coverage is Hazel Irvine, who rather unfortunately sounds like she's transmitting from her bath.

An opening VT takes us through the Russian alphabet (33 letters), with each representing a famous Russian landmark, invention or person. Controversially, I think they've claimed ownership of the television.

An explosion of fireworks from the roof of the stadium as we reach the final letter and a creepy child whispers a countdown from 10.

Hazel comments on the inclusion of television in the video montage, swiftly claiming it back from the Russians.

A child dressed in a white nightgown is suspended in the air, chasing her kite, while below a cow chews grass near to a volcano. This isn't a dream.

Various parts of Russian landscape are floating around the stadium now. Hundreds of Russians dressed in white are gathered on the ground, singing in unison as it snows down upon them.

Whoops, faux-pas as only four of the five Olympic rings have formed in the stadium. Somewhere in Chelsea, Danny Boyle is in fits.

Big Vlad takes to his feet to applause from the crowd. He responds with an understated wave before the national anthem of Russia - 'Gosudarstvenny Gimn Rossiyskoy Federatsii' - begins.

Lots of jokes on Twitter about "Vladimir's ring". This blog is too classy for that kind of thing, just so you know.

"Believe me, it's quite heavy," boasts Hazel of the Olympic flame.

Here we go now - it's flag time! All in blue, out come Greece.

Andorra have cracked out the Christmas jumpers.

The Argentine team - just 14 of them - are apparently dominated by members of one family. More interestingly, one of said family is called Macarena.

Belgium's flag is appearing to suffer from erectile dysfunction.

The stubborn Bermuda team come out wearing shorts.

The Former Yogoslav Republic of Macedonia's big moment in the spotlight is overshadowed by the breaking news that Simon Cowell is returning to judge The X Factor in the UK.

Big cheers for Team GB, led by Jon Eley, all wearing delightful blue puffa jackets.

You may recall that at the Olympics proper, various people stood around banging drums enthusiastically while the flag ceremony took place. Here in Sochi, various people dressed as what appear to be giant igloos are swaying from left to right. That's going to hurt in the morning.

Germany emerge, dressed in ridiculous puffa coats that make them look like lifesize Fruit Pastille ice lollies. On the sidelines, Arsene Wenger licks his lips with envy.

Here's a picture of that ring malfunction from earlier:

Next up is the Asian country of 'Kyrgyzstan'. Try that on Scrabble.

Team Monaco emerge, throwing gold rings and wads of Euros into the crowd.

Team GB's flagbearer Jon Eley on Twitter:

PUTIN FACT! Vlad once performed the jazz classic 'Blueberry Hill' for an audience including Kevin Costner, Sharon Stone and Goldie Hawn.

Back with the flags, and we're as far as Slovakia, led out by the NHL's 6'9" monster Zdeno Chara.

The USA's 230-strong team make their Russian Olympics debut, kitted out in stars-and-stripes cardies. The giant swishing igloos watch on.

Vanessa Mae - yes, that Vanessa Mae - comes out with the Thailand team. She's apparently a professional alpine skier.

For some reason we're now on France. I assume we're using the equivalent Russian alphabet to determine the order.

Hazel sneaks in a plug for H&M while welcoming the Swedish team.

Massive cheer as the Jamaican bobsleigh team enter the stadium, all smiles.

Cue the final team, Russia, most of whom seem to be dressed as Father Christmas. A remix of t.A.T.u's 'Not Gonna Get Us' plays loudly.

Breaking news away from the ceremony: A hijacking has been attempted on a plane by a passenger with a bomb who intended to divert the craft to Sochi.

More on that story as we get it, but apparently that plane is now safely on the ground.

Back in the stadium now, and several giant illuminated horses are pulling the sun above a fairytale Russian city.

It's quite hard to describe what's transpiring in the Fisht stadium at the moment, but it involves a little girl, men dressed in fluorescent garments and giant inflatables.

Impressive use of projected images onto the floor of the stadium for a segment about the Russian Army.

More here on that earlier breaking story about the hijacked plane ordered in the direction of Sochi.

You'd be forgiven for thinking you'd tuned into Sky Arts these last 10 minutes as we watch an extended ballet scene involving hundreds of dancers.

We've reached the Communist era of Russia's modern history. It's a sea of red on the stadium floor as people and various bits of machinery lunge back and forth.

Cheers from the crowd as Communism ends.

According to the BBC, there are suggestions that the earlier hijacking attempt was made by a passenger who was drunk. Blimey. Imagine waking up with that hangover.

The Little Girl from various points this evening is back - and she's suspended in the sky again, but this time holding onto a balloon.

We're now as far as the end of the Soviet Union. Quite emotional actually as the girl releases her red balloon and a giant blue balloon comes to the forefront.

Time for speeches now. President of the Sochi organising committee Dmitry Chernyshenko is up first. He welcomes everyone to the Games. "Our city is unique, as all of Russia is unique," he says. "We are proud to have the privilege to host the entire world."

He describes Sochi as a "dream that came true" and praises the government for making it happen, adding that the Games will "inspire a generation". COPYRIGHT INFRINGEMENT ALERT.

"The Sochi Games are our chance to show the world the best that our country is proud of: our hospitality, our traditions, our Russia."

He says this will "break down stereotypes to introduce a new Russia to the world". He immediately follows it up by kissing IOC president Thomas Bach.

My mistake. He instead hands the lectern over to Bach, who begins by declaring the Sochi Games "a new page in Olympic history".

Bach thanks the Sochi locals for their "patience and understanding" as work on the Games took place over the last few years. "Now you are living in an Olympic region. Thousands of you welcomed us with your well-known warm Russian hospitality."

He goes on to address the athletes: "You have come here for sport. You have come here with your Olympic dream. The IOC wants your Olympic dream to come true. This is why we are investing almost all of our revenues into the worldwide development of sport. The universal Olympic rules apply to every athlete, no matter who you are or what your background is."

Bach isn't done yet. "This is the Olympic message the athletes spread to the host country and the whole world. It is possible, even as competitors, to live together under one roof in harmony with tolerance and without any form of discrimination for whatever reason. Yes it is possible, even as competitors, to listen, to understand and to give an example for a peaceful society. Olympic aims are always about building bridges to bring people together. They are never to build walls to keep people apart. Therefore I say to the political leaders of the world, thank you for supporting your athletes. They are the best of your country."

Amazing speech from Bach here. We all know what he's getting at.

A seamless segue here, as he invites Vlad to open the Games.

VP declares the Games open, prompting an explosion of fireworks from the roof of the Fisht.

Tchaikovsky is the soundtrack for the traditional releasing of the doves.

More Tchaikovsky now as the Olympic Flag makes its way out. It's been carried by eight notable Russians, including an actress, a Winter Olympics hero, a journalist and the first woman in space.

The Sochi Olympics have cost an astonishing £31 billion to stage, more than any other Winter Olympics and almost 10 times that of the last Winter Olympics.

We're currently halfway through old favourite 'The Olympic Anthem'.

Now it's The Olympic Oath. Very heavy on the branding here.

The first man taking the aforementioned Olympic Oath rattles through it in record time. Obviously an impatient t.A.T.u. fan.

Speeches done, hundreds of Olympic Rollerbladers make their way into the Olympic Stadium as illuminated Olympic Constellations hang overhead. Olympic Hazel Irvine coos in amazement.

The Olympic Flame ("la flame Olympique") has arrived in the stadium, carried by none other than Maria Sharapova!

The flame is now being passed around several notable Russian athletes, including one who was rumoured to be a fling of Putin.

Two of the athletes - one very large man, one very tiny woman, excuse my ignorance - have now done a runner from the stadium and taken the torch outside.

The duo light the cauldron, prompting an explosion of fireworks right across Sochi.

More fireworks. More classical music.

One more final ejaculation of fireworks brings the opening ceremony officially to an end. Sadly no t.A.T.u. in the end, save for a remix of one of their hits as the Russian athletes entered the stadium. Over on the BBC, it's now time for Opening Ceremony Xtra with Balding.

As for us, well here ends our coverage of the Winter Olympics opening ceremony, but do make sure you stick with us here on Sports Mole over the next fortnight for truly comprehensive coverage of the events over in Sochi. For now, good night!