Spiderman. Batman. Superman. The Avengers. In fact, just round up every comic-book character you can think of and they still wouldn't have the mite to stop Zenit St Petersburg in the Champions League this season. Four games. Four wins. Ten scored and four conceded. Andre Villas-Boas's troops have well and truly grabbed Group H by the short and curlies. In many ways, this evening's visit of Valencia is a dead rubber for them. They're already guaranteed a spot in the last 16, but a draw in Russia would see them progress as group winners. Can they do it? Probably, because los Che have been more hit and miss than Nicklas Bendtner in shooting training, but we'll see.

Before we go any further, let's bring you some team news to feast on.

ZENIT XI: Lodygin, Criscito, Lombaerts, Luís Neto, Smolnikov, Garay, Danny, Shatov, Witsel, Hulk, Dzyuba

VALENCIA XI: Doménech, João Cancelo, Rúben Vezo, Gayà, Abdennour, Feghouli, Parejo, Pérez, André Gomes, Paco

ZENIT SUBS: Kerzhakov, Zuev, Ryazantsev, Yusupov, Troyanov, Evseev, Dolgov

VALENCIA SUBS: Ryan, Santos, Orbán, Danilo, Javi Fuego, De Paul, Santi Mina

For full info on the team news, click HERE!

What are the permutations for Valencia tonight then? Well, the Primera Liga side, who sit second on six points, two points clear of Gent, would seal their last-16 place if they win and the Belgians lose away to bottom-of-the-table Lyon, which is unlikely because the Ligue 1 boys have been a bit pony so far it has to be said, winning one point from a possible 12.

PREDICTION Right, less than 15 minutes away from kickoff in bitterly cold St Petersburg, let's get a prediction wrong. Even though Zenit have much less to play for than their Spanish counterparts, I still don't see the visitors bringing three points on the plane back to Spain with them. Valencia have relatively poor it has to be said, and I think they'll lose 2-0. Simple as.

Fair play to the Valencia fans. It's minus two in St Petersburg, but here they are.

Five minutes to go! I can't wait. I love an early Champions League kickoff. They're fantastic.

KICKOFF: Ah, we're off! Zenit, draped in baby blue, get us underway and they're playing from right to left in this half. What's the odds on Witsel's afro being frozen by half time?

The Valencia bench resembles a gang from the wild west. Due to the extreme cold, their mouth and noses are covered, while so are there heads. Yep, it's quite cold.

SHOT! This will warm the cockles for the travelling Valencia fans, as Paco Alcacer swivels his marker and drives a left-footed effort at goal, but it's straight at Lodygin. Promising.

Some more promising moments now as Feghouli plays a fine ball through for Alcacer, but it's got a wee bit too much pace on it and Lodygin gathers.

Ominously, the man-mountain Hulk is starting to come into it a little bit more, showcasing his wonderful feet with a few slick step-overs. He's a fine player and a real threat to Valencia tonight.

The stadium resembles something from The Grey now as the home fans whistle Valencia's possession like a pack of hungry Wolves. Zenit fans aren't happy. Would you be happy in minus-two weather? Eskimos need not answer.

OFF THE LINE! Zenit coming into it a little more now as Hulk spreads the ball wide to Smolnikov, whose wicked cross is headed away. Moments later, Criscito's deflected cross looks like looping into the net, but Gaya heads off the line.

Zenit hitman Shatov gets the breakthrough, prodding past Domenech from very close range, but it's horrendous defending from the visitors. You could steer a jumbo jet through the space between their two centre-halves, and Shatov, played in by Dzyuba, makes no mistake. So poor.

Zenit certainly look in the mood for this. Danny threads a wonderful ball through for Hulk, who squares to Dzyuba as he looked poised to smash home a second, but the Brazilian was incorrectly flagged offside.

To their credit, Valencia still look fairly dangerous going forward and Alcacer is through on goal but, like Hulk, a moment ago, he's incorrectly ruled offside. That was a let-off for the hosts. Where did they get these linesmen?

You have to feel for Joao Cancelo. The right-back has been tormented by the likes of Hulk and Danny all evening. It's clear that Villas-Boas has identified Cancelo as a weak link and, so far, he's been proven spot on.

SHOT! There's an official Champions League ball somewhere outside the Petrovsky Stadium if anybody wants it. We know this because Danny has just put it there with a wayward effort to say the least.

Just a reminder that if Valencia lose, and Gent win away to Lyon, the Belgians would move into second spot ahead of the final Group H clash. What a success it would be if they made the last 16.

Fifteen minutes left until the break and so far so good for Zenit, who lead 1-0 after Oleg Shatov capitalised on a horrendous bit of defending to push home the opener on 15 minutes. Valencia haven't done much. It must be quite a culture shock to play in minus-two conditions if you're a Spanish club.

Good defending here from Lombaerts as the Zenit centre-half slides in crucially to prevent Alcacer from tapping home Parejo's delivery. Los Che coming into it a bit more, but Zenit break at speed, though the counter comes to nothing.

Oh my word. Axel Witsel is very, very lucky that he's offside here. Hulk's free kick to the far post is driven across the face of goal by Danny, but the afro-headed Belgian, with the goal at his mercy, misses the open goal, but he's flagged offside moments later.

Goalscorer Shatov is down injured, getting a bit of treatment now. It might well be frostbite, but I think it's just a foot injury.

Good forward run from right-back Cancelo but his cross is too close to Lodygin. The visitors have been quite disappointing in the final third this evening. They lack a cutting edge; about as sharp as a tramp's clothes.

Alcacer drives just wide now but it never looked like threatening Zenit stopper Lodygin. Two minutes to go in this half. It's going to end 1-0 unless I'm very much mistaken.

CHANCE! Oh my word. If not for brilliant from Smolnikov, it's 1-1 as Parejo looks certain to smash home an equaliser following a bit of uncertainty in the ranks, but the right-back gets back in the nick of time.

So, the Russians are halfway toward securing top spot in Group H after Oleg Shatov pushed a close-range effort past Domenech. Zenit, hunting a fifth straight Champions League win, have been completely dominant, whereas Valencia haven't done much in the final third unfortunately. Just a reminder that if Valencia lose, and Gent win away to Lyon, the Belgians would move into second spot behind already-qualified Zenit. Nuno Espirito Santo needs a BIG half-time team talk.

If you fancy a condensed recap of the first 45 minutes then go ahead and click HERE! Hopefully the second half will throw up a little bit more by way of entertainment. Aside from the goal, very little has happened.

RESTART! Right so, Valencia, trailing 1-0 through Oleg Shatov's 15th-minute opener, get us back underway. Is there any way back? Unlikely, but let's see. They were terrible in the first half.

SHOT! There's now two official Champions League footballs outside the stadium as Hulk emulates Danny from the first half and fires well, well over. At the other end, Valencia whip in a corner, but it comes to nothing.

CLOSE! It's almost 2-0 to the hosts Danny cuts back for Witsel, whose scuffed shot falls to Dyzuba but his instinct flick is saved by Domenech. He was ruled offside, but he wasn't. These linesmen aren't covering themselves in glory.

Zenit by much the better side in this second half, but they're toiling a little in the final third. Hulk, who appears to have gelled his hair during half time, has just won a corner though...

.....what a delivery from Hulk, who actually might've gone for goal, but Domenech punches it clear. You wouldn't put it past him to go for goal from there, would you?

SUB: Rafa Mir, who's had very little impact on his debut, is replaced by Santi Mina, who is a bit special. Lord knows why he didn't start.

CLOSE! This isn't far away at all as Ezequiel Garay loses his marker before heading a Hulk free kick just wide of Domenech's post. The Valencia stopper was completely rooted to the spot.

Santi Mina's first contribution is bit, well, poor. He finds himself in an excellent position, but his delivery is horrendous and Zenit clear comfortably clear. Just now, Dani Parejo plays an eye-of-the-needle ball for Mina, who can't quite latch on to it. Slightly better from Valencia, but they need much, much more.

Right, we've got 25 minutes to go and Valencia really aren't doing a whole lot to suggest they can get back into this. There's barely any urgency, barely any fight in them this evening. It's ominous.

OFFSIDE GOAL! The linesman spares our blushes a bit as Santi Mina slots home Dani Parejo's excellent through ball, but he's ruled offside - and the linesman is right for a change. Still, that's something to build on.

I must say - Hulk has produced a performance befitting of his nickname. He's been monstrous this evening. Not on the scoresheet yet, but he's been Zenit's heart from the first minute, involved in virtually everything.

BOOKIN: Artur Yusupov goes into the book and Valencia have a free kick in a dangerous position now...

CLOSE! This isn't far away at all as Parejo's fizzing free kick is flicked just wide by Feghouli, who has been absolutely anonymous, to the point where I forgot he was playing. Valencia comfortably the better side now.

SUB: Los Che make their second sub now as Enzo Perez makes way for Danilo. Is the magic Valencia need? Probably not, but let's see.

This is an absolutely wonderful goal and Zenit are going to win Group H - unless Valencia score three in the last 14 minutes. Danny exchanges an excellent one-two with Shatov which splits the visitors' defence. Danny is then through on goal, but he unselfishly squares to Dzyuba who simply taps home. One of the best goals in this season's edition of the competition.

SUB: One final throw of the dice for Nuno Espirito Santo, who brings Rodrigo on for Joao Cancelo.

RED CARD! Goodbye Ruben Vezo, who brings down Shatov as he beared down on goal. He can have no complaints - a clear goalscoring opportunity. It was a very rash challenge.

CLOSE! From the resulting free kick, Hulk fires into the side netting.

Five minutes to go and Zenit are on the cusp of winning the group, winning 15 points from a possible 15. They've been superb throughout Group H; thoroughly deserved.

Hulk brings out the showboat now, which doesn't go down well with Gaya, who fouls the Brazilian with a crunching challenge. One minute of normal time to go.

Well, that's it! Goals in both halves from Oleg Shatov and Artem Dzyuba seal a FIFTH straight Champions League win for Zenit, who officially win Group H. They're on 15 points, NINE clear of second-placed Valencia who, if Gent beat Lyon away tonight, will drop down into third ahead of the final matchday. It doesn't look good for them - oh, and they're without Ruben Vezo for their last group game after the defender was sent off late on. Anywho, that's us. Thanks for joining our live text commentary and we'll see you next time.